Emotional manipulation happens regularly in our work lives and personal lives.
Here are some ways to identify it and resist it.
Following are common types of Emotional Manipulation, according to a recent article in Harvard Business Review:
*Emotional Displays including Anger, Guilt-Tripping, Dark Clouds (unhappiness), Emotional Blackmail, and Playing the Martyr.
*Disguised True Feelings, such as Feigned Ignorance, Backhanded Compliments, and Passive-Aggressive Behavior.
*Subtle Motivations like Moving the Goalposts, Shirking Responsibility, Denying Promises, Gaslighting, and Selective Inattention.
When you recognize one of these types of Emotional Manipulation, here are five tactics you can use to address them:
1. Trust Your Gut. If it feels uncomfortable, don’t dismiss it. Take a pause. Reflect and look closely at exactly what is going on.
2. Seek External Perspectives. Go to trusted colleagues and explain what you are experiencing. See if their objective perspective can provide clarity for you.
3. Rely on Facts. Some people are great at telling a story that might suck you into their drama. But – what are the facts? Make sure you get clear on what is really going on.
4. Practice Emotional Detachment. Sometimes it helps to step back and ask ourselves what we would recommend to someone else who is going through this situation – as if you are a consultant. Mindfulness practice can also help with this.
5. Set Boundaries. Some behaviors are simply unacceptable! Calmy name it and make it clear to the person that those behaviors are not okay. You may need to design consequences.
Let’s face it. Some people are master manipulators. Unfortunately, we do not always realize it until it is too late. Watch for the signs of Emotional Manipulation. If we cannot remove ourselves from these relationships, we can at least use some of these tactics for protection.
*Ideas for this blog taken from: Velasquez, L. “Are You Being Emotionally Manipulated at Work?” Harvard Business Review online, February 23, 2024.
