In our quest to be “good” leaders, many of us fall into a common trap: we mistake being liked for being effective.
However, there is a significant difference between being a supportive leader and being “too nice”.
When niceness becomes a shield to avoid difficult conversations, it doesn’t just stall productivity—it actively harms your team’s development and the organization’s health. You can be “nice,” while also being firm and effective.
According to a recent article in Harvard Business Review, the primary symptom of being “too nice” is the avoidance of healthy conflict. By avoiding the discomfort of a hard conversation, you are prioritizing your own emotional ease over your employee’s growth.
When you fail to address underperformance or provide clear, direct feedback, you create several organizational risks:
- Stunted Growth: Employees cannot improve if they don’t know where they are falling short.
- Resentment Among High Performers: Your top talent will notice when low performance is tolerated, leading to burnout and a lack of motivation.
- Lack of Clarity: Vague, “nice” feedback leaves people guessing about their standing and your expectations.
The solution isn’t to become a harsh or abrasive manager. Instead, the goal is to shift from “nice” to clear and kind. True kindness involves being honest enough to tell someone the truth so they have the opportunity to succeed.
To bridge this gap, consider these three strategies:
- Directness is a Gift: View feedback as a tool for success rather than a personal attack. Be specific about what isn’t working and what “good” looks like.
- Normalize Disagreement: Encourage your team to challenge ideas—including yours. This creates a culture where the best idea wins, rather than the most comfortable one.
- Prioritize Accountability: Set clear boundaries and consequences. Being a leader means holding people to the standards they agreed to, which is ultimately the most respectful way to treat a professional.
Leadership is not a popularity contest; it is a responsibility to guide your team toward their best work. By trading “nice” for “honest,” you build a foundation of real trust and lasting excellence.
*Ideas for this blog taken from: Ashkenas, R. & Cooks, G., “Is Your Leadership Style Too Nice?” Harvard Business Review online, January 12, 2026.
