A key part of developing our Emotional Intelligence is improving our Empathy. But exactly how do you that?
A recent article in Harvard Business Review provides some helpful insights into this challenge. Here are some things we can all do to be empathetic while still driving high performance and holding people accountable. The authors call this mastering “wise empathy.” It includes making core shifts to your daily leadership routine:
1. Sincerely Check-in with Others. During your regular one-on-one meetings, don’t start out with a casual “Hey, how are you doing?” – to which we all mechanically say “Good.” Take your time and sincerely ask something like “Good to see you, Chris. I know you have tons going on here at work and I am sure there are many things going on in your personal life as well. How are you? How’s it going?” You may be surprised how much you can learn if you ask and listen sincerely.
2. Regulate Your Response, Focus on the Other. If the other person shares good news, great! Celebrate with them! “My partner just got a big promotion!” If they share something negative that is seriously bothering them, then respond compassionately. However, don’t get caught up in the negative emotion yourself. Focus on cognitive empathy (understanding their perspective). versus emotional empathy (feeling someone else’s pain).
3. Move from Commiseration to Compassion. Commiserating feels supportive in the moment, but it often leaves both parties stuck in a loop of shared frustration. Wise empathy requires a deliberate pivot from simply validating a negative emotion to actively asking, “How can we best support you? What do you need right now to move forward?” This shifts the dynamic from a passive emotional echo chamber to a constructive, forward-looking dialogue.
4. Establish Firm Operational Boundaries. Empathy does not mean lowering performance standards or taking on extra workloads to shield your team from accountability. True wise empathy means recognizing when an individual’s challenges require structural adjustments, clear prioritization, or HR support, rather than a manager trying to play the role of an unqualified therapist. Encourage them to consider talking with a mental health professional if the issue seems to warrant it.
Leadership is no longer just about managing tasks; it is about managing human energy. By upgrading raw emotional instincts into wise empathy, you can protect your own mental bandwidth while building a resilient, psychologically safe culture where your team truly feels supported.
*Ideas for this blog taken from: Hobson, N. & Depow, G. J. “How Leaders Can Practice Wise Empathy,” Harvard Business Review online, January 14, 2026.
