Some people think that every negotiation is a battle to get the most you can for you and your side.
Others like to avoid conflict and want to quickly compromise – “Let’s just split the difference.”
Both of these approaches could lead to sub-optimal outcomes. Often, a negotiation can lead to a real “win-win” for both parties, which is different and better than a compromise.
Let’s consider two scenarios.
Scenario #1: Two boys each want the last piece of cake. My Mom would always make one of us cut the last piece in half (which we did very meticulously) and then give the other brother the first choice. That is a compromise and sometimes it is the best you can do. But it is not a “win-win!” I wanted the entire last piece! But – we both won and lost the same. That’s a fair compromise.
Scenario #2: Two boys both want the last orange left in the bowl. Rather than immediately cutting it in half, the Mom asks the boys “why” they want the orange. One boy says he wants to eat the fruit and the other wants to use the rind to make some tasty banana bread. Now we have a “win-win” opportunity. Mom peels the orange and gives each boy what he wants.
The difficulty, of course, is that – heading into a negotiation – you are unsure if the “win-win” is possible. Here is what you can do, based on years of negotiations research:
1. Go into every negotiation open-minded and looking for a possible “win-win” opportunity.
2. Discern the interests of the other party. Ask “why” they are interested in the item being negotiated. As you probe further and explore options, you might ask “why not” if they protest. And my favorite question: “Help me understand . . .” Be sure to probe beyond an initial “position” they might lay out. Research shows that the most successful negotiators gather twice the amount of information from their negotiating partner than unsuccessful ones.
3. As you discern your negotiating partner’s interests, and consider your own, get creative! Try to envision an agreement that you both would find positive. Try to imagine what your partner’s “Victory Speech” might look like. When they tell their friends or family the story of how this negotiation went down, imagine them happily explaining it all. What can you give them as a part of the negotiation for them to feel this way?
Negotiating is a vital leadership skill. To learn more, I recommend the book, Getting to Yes. You can also check out these blogs on negotiation prep, ethical negotiations, and building your negotiation muscle. Good luck developing this important skill.
